What if I quit?


What if I quit? : A tribute to Mount Saint Helens

It starts with a memory

of trees in a haze.

Black and white and drizzling that day.

Playing and skipping

with Jesse himself.

Two kids laughing among everything else.

Oh how I’d begged,

and pleaded to go.

Ten years in the making was this very show.

Continue reading “What if I quit?”


Extinguishment of the Ballad

The Extinguishment of the Ballad

There’s two different rooms

In two different places.


Two different pirate ships

On the same lazy ocean.


Each holds a different human being,

Each human waiting on the other.


Two Voyagers separated,

Temporarily. Temporarily.

But only Temporarily my dear.


The horizon still extends endlessly before them

Their destination still out of sight.


But they’ve reached this checkpoint in the lazy waves.

It’s called:

The Extinguishment of the Ballad.


That missed opportunity,

It’s arrived,

And it’s a beauty.


While nothing else is certain

Two Voyagers are sailing together

Their ocean extends before them forever.


Two poets, two writers

Each piece of work with a new form of cipher.


Each ship has its marks.

Each ship has its scratches

Each ship once housed it’s own old assassins.


And they’ve been rebuilt, patched,

Somehow preserved.

After all that was once thought to be the worst.


And two Voyagers sail on in part two

Because in part one, I already made my vow to you.


You asked what we were headed for,

I told you Paralleled Voyagers never specified.


But here in the water we’ve found something,

It’s resting between the opportunities called ships.


Here in the water there is a checkpoint.

A canvas palette.

And it’s called:

The Extinguishment of the Ballad.

Aim For The Floor

Aim For The Floor

Step 1: Shotgun loaded.

Step 2: Now aim for the floor.

Step 3: Readjust. You want the barrel right there on your foot.

Step 4: Close your eyes. Squeeze ‘em tight. Pull the trigger and hit send.


And he sends back “thank you” or “I feel a lot better”.

He has no idea what you just did to yourself.

He has no idea both feet went missing six times in this last month.


Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 3:

And repeat.


Throw the clock out the window.



Cherish the time you have with her.



Talk to her about it.

This is obviously important to you.




Please, tell me about it.

I’m here for you.

I’m your friend.

…I have to be here.


I have to tell you:

You’ll be fine.

You guys will figure it out.


I have to tell you—

Well, actually no.

I have to keep my mouth shut.

Because I don’t love you.

Or at least I’m not supposed to.


I don’t care that you’re going to spend the night with your girlfriend.

I can’t.

I don’t care that you told her you love her.

Because if I let those facts come through,

I will go absolutely crazy over you.


While I had to stand,

And watch you,

Fall deeper and deeper in love with her.

Oblivious that the one behind you was just as deep too.

Only not with her,

But with you.


So I have to be here:

When you were worried about her.

When you first spent the night.


I couldn’t say:

All these heinous things.

At least not to you.

That I thought high school was over!

That I thought I’d finally gotten away from her.

When my best friend, you fell in love with her.


I was going to be a better person this time.

I couldn’t go charging in and break you guys up.

I couldn’t go charging in at all –so we go to:


Step 1: Shotgun loaded.

You guys will be fine.

Step 2: Now aim for the floor.

Yes I’m sure.

Step 3: Readjust. Last time you almost missed.

Darling I’m here as a friend.

Step 4: Eyes closed, pull the trigger and hit send.



I’m here as a friend.

And you have no idea that it’s killing me.

In bed, at the desk, or over coffee.

You’re standing now in the kitchen in front of me.


Help me.

Under these jeans,

You don’t see:

That I’m a self-made amputee.



Gilded is working,

rusted but kind;


Played by rusted hearts and fake

forced moments

bleating their minds.


Gilded takes hold and

never lets go;


For corrosion is setting

fought, for

wants rarely showed.


Gilded is certain

binding and blind;


Defined is this bogus

artificial fabrication

of my mind.


Gilded is gleaming

and rotten inside;


Watched by those

…no one

  with no knowledge of who or what died.