Drugs of such

Drugs of such

 

I feel you

Fervently

Racing through my arm.

You wondrous

Money sucking monster.

 

Everything I have

Everything I make

Goes on to you.

To new needles

Fresh injections

Fresh…

My money is

Lost

Wasted

Pissed away

Gone.

Spent on you

And worth every drop.

 

When he says

I drink too much

But he has no idea

That I don’t drink enough.

Now that

He gives me a choice

Between my family

And you.

 

My choice of

Which street corner

I want

To run to.

nothings changed

nothings changed

 

nothings changed

in

bitter

self loathing

significant other

despising

fight picking

monster

that they always

called you

 

nothings changed

when you still

want to pick fights

still want to

nit

pick

still want

to

 

i’m addicted

 

to

fight.

Medicated

Quack

 

“Take these pills,

Once a day.”

He says.

 

“Take these pills

Once a day,

And you’ll be okay.”

He says.

 

Looking around the office

It’s white

Sterile-feeling-white.

Bright shiny objects-

Instruments-

Used to tell me what he’d told me too.

 

“Once a day,

When you get out of bed.”

“Don’t forget them.”

“This is all in your head!”

 

The pill bottle has a

White cap

“Twist here” “Childproof”

And an orange body.

“To be taken orally” “500 mg”

 

“You need medicated!”

 

Later

I take the bottle in hand

From the drug store pharmacy down the street.

I’m not crazy.

Not in my belief.

 

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ShapeShifter

ShapeShifter

 

Country?

Metal?

Rap?

Sure.

I’m into all of that.

 

Purple

Red

Blue

Oh my god

Me too!

 

You like that actor?

Then I can too.

That’s your favorite movie?

I’ll Google it to be able to talk to you.

Horror?

Then I can suck it up.

Anime?

I guess I can watch things of the such.

 

Why?

Because I’ll be anything

You want me to be.

What ever it is

I’ll be sure to agree.

 

So long as you tell me first,

What your interests are.

 

Let me introduce you to the

Shape Shifter

the

Snake

 

Whatever you have to offer

Allow me to come in and take.

 

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My name is

My name is

My name is

And I don’t understand why

we’re hugging

Why

we’re in a circle.

Why

we’re here.

 

My name is

And I don’t know you.

Or you.

My name is

And I don’t understand why they didn’t show up again.

My name is

And I’m bored.

Tired.

Hungry.

Walking in with McDonalds in my hand.

My name is…

And we’re late again.

 

I can’t talk to my friends.

I can’t play in the rooms here.

My name is

And I know the serenity prayer.

My name is

And I

grew up

here…

 

My name is

As I stick my right foot in

Arms wrapped, holding other people tight.

My name is

And this is how I spend my Friday night.

 

My name is

And I’m fourteen.

Watching a whole room of two hundred people get clean.

 

My name is

And I have a little sister

By the age of 12.

Her name is

And we stare from the table at the “12 Step” books on the shelf.

 

Our names are

And we grew up in the collective of NA.

Narcotics Anonymous

In rooms that would

Remember our names.

MEGA

MEGA

Many of the monsters that dwell in the deep

Evade the bottommost cave where she slumbers and sleeps.

Great are the restless reverberations so heavy against the walls.

Adaptive and at the ready to take captives in the brawls.

Mega is inside your mind with not

One trace of ever being kind.

Never could anyone stop the

Siege underwater in

Terror to terminate her offender’s falter.

Every soul make way for her path and

Reap the day you incited her wrath.

On the ship where she breached it’s “strong” wooden hull.

Coated in

Tentacles and suckers that attach to every last word’s skull. Built to

Overanalyze and overreact

Post-war it’s body is scar-racked. But today

It stayed to dwell in the cave, and was long forgotten under these quieting waves.

Monster

Monster

he hides under my bed

he hides inside my closet

he hides within those blankets

those pillows

those jackets

he hides within those jeans

he hides

here

let me set the scene:

 

there’s an abandoned home

where it’s all colored monochrome

a layer of dust has turned the colors

and now turns away any others

 

who would step foot here?

who would dare live here?

who would dare come here –even to move out?

 

when he hides

sucking even the walls dry

of memories

of feelings

preparing you better for the leaving

 

he has decided it’s better this way

if you don’t even want to come to move out

surely the move would never be blocked by doubt

 

he hides

in the mattress

in the wave chair

in the dresser

in the headboard

and in all miscellaneous personal treasure

 

who would dare step foot in his room?

who would dare come and face him?

when you’ve run from him for so long

this is no longer a place for you –so go along

 

he hides

in the cabinet

in the spot where the bed used to be

where the Christmas tree used to be seen

 

and he controls

in fear

in dread

in that lump in your throat

in that turn you make to walk away

 

when you finally have no other choice

you have to stand and fight

and you stare right into the face

right into the face of that Monster –that you created.

 

he’s inside the closet you’re cleaning out

he’s inside the drawer you’re cleaning out

he’s inside the bathroom that’s a dingy white

he’s inside the shower you slept in that one night

 

he’s inside the window you now have to close

he’s inside the stuffed animals and stoves

he’s inside the litter box that was feared to be cleaned

and inside those fire alarms, your old fiend

 

why?

because he lived there too

through good and bad

he was the memories made

 

so you wait and wait

because if you’re at a distance you know someone else has to do it for you

you know you have to move out

but if you’re not there to help then someone else has to come

and they have to clean it out instead of you

so you can avoid him a little longer and make do

 

but now –he’ll live there forever

the Monster has won

 

he’s packed up

what wasn’t dealt with was thrown in a box

“i’ll face him later”

with pitiful fists and rocks

 

and now he’ll be moved into the new house

this old abandoned one will be sold

and he’ll be a ghost to anyone new

but when you…

oh if you step through

that door he’ll remind you

that:

 

“I live in the closet”

“I live in the place your bed once stood”

“I live in the place where I ended your childhood”