Medicated

Quack

 

“Take these pills,

Once a day.”

He says.

 

“Take these pills

Once a day,

And you’ll be okay.”

He says.

 

Looking around the office

It’s white

Sterile-feeling-white.

Bright shiny objects-

Instruments-

Used to tell me what he’d told me too.

 

“Once a day,

When you get out of bed.”

“Don’t forget them.”

“This is all in your head!”

 

The pill bottle has a

White cap

“Twist here” “Childproof”

And an orange body.

“To be taken orally” “500 mg”

 

“You need medicated!”

 

Later

I take the bottle in hand

From the drug store pharmacy down the street.

I’m not crazy.

Not in my belief.

 

 

 

All in your head.

 

“Why wasn’t I invited to this concert too?”

I’m supposed to be the girlfriend to you.

 

she’s 21, and

you’re meeting her parents?

for what reason?

A red flag raises.

 

she’s 21 and she’s never had a guy-friend?

Red flag number two.

 

why are her parents coming to the concert

just to meet you?

Red Flag! Red flag!

 

“You’re joking right?”

 

“I just don’t want you there

causing problems.

Causing…

drama.”

“It’s really more of a dorm members only thing.”

Then why is Shawn bringing his girlfriend too?

 

“You’re making up stories!”

“This is all in your head!”

 

“Believe what you fucking want to…”

 

“You’re wrong.

Again.

And here’s all these

Reasons

bullshit reasons

why.”

 

“Here’s me, covering my ass.”

 

I know,

I know

That Isaiah came to me.

There’s no way I made that up.

 

“he’s lying! why would I cheat on you?”

 

“this is a bigger problem for you than me!”

“So you think I’m making up reasons too?”

 

I’m not mad because

Because you did some chores.

Because you did as your parents asked.

I’m mad

Because you dropped.

Because you left

without warning.

 

I’m not making up

Bullshit reasons

To be angry at you.

To be yelling at you.

 

This isn’t in my head.

“You lied to me about what you were doing.

About who you were doing!”

“well you ignore me at school.”

“You cheated on me!”

“well you ignore me at school.”

 

I’m not mad

For no reason.

I’m mad

That you changed the subject.

Acted like the subject

Didn’t exist.

Tried to convince me that I-

That I remembered it wrong.

 

You had me doubting

Myself.

My ability

To remember

My ability

To make sense

To read

between the lines.

 

“This is all in your head!”

“You need medicated!”

“You need help.”

“Get your ass back in therapy.”

 

 

 

Medicated

 

I stare

At the waste of money.

Waste of insurance.

 

I breathe.

 

For a moment…

They’d had me.

Had me convinced.

 

Convinced enough to see that quack

Who called himself a doctor.

 

I tip out

A single

White

Oval pill.

 

They misunderstand

Don’t understand.

I’m not wrong.

 

He had changed the subject.

He is cheating.

I just haven’t caught him.

He did drop with out warning.

“what kind of monster get’s mad at someone for doing as their parents say?”

“Saturday morning cartoon villains.”

 

I repeat these things

Over and over again.

To myself.

To the mirror.

To the pillow on the bed.

So that they cannot

Take

What actually happened

Away.

 

I’m not wrong.

I have

Legit reasons.

They just

Don’t

See them.

Understand them.

 

I hadn’t been given

The chance to be clear

About what it was that upset me.

 

I let the substance dissolve

In the toilet

And watch.

Flushing it

Before I head off for the weekend.

I don’t need medicated.

 

“Yes I took my pill.”

As far as they’re concerned before

I then…

Leave again.

 

 

end.

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